Life's good for now :]

i picked my classes! and i'm happy!!!!

things worked out buhht ... i'm waitlisted for math?! lamee! i hope i get it.. i'm number 1 on the waitlist anyways haha.

i'm waitlisted for this awesome seminar on the weekend too! im soo sad! hopefully i get it so i can hike with my suitemate lillian.. who's such a darling! :]

i love my suitemates so far! they're great.

tina's awesome too! i hope i get along with my chinese girls moreee in the future! and.. be cool with other girls! yayayayay! haha

buhh yehh... yikes, tomorrow is the big deal! i hope i pass my driver's license test!!

bring me luck !

excited

Classes

picking classes for college is such a bitch!!!

i hate doing it and i hope it won't be difficult for me next quarter! I really hope I can change classes after enrollment! imma trust jeremiah and i'm gonna pick classes on mahh planner for now

. please God, make everything work for me!!
i don't wanna pay a bunch of loans!! =[

fed up

Surprise!

i'm alive-celine dion
today (technically yesterday) was a emotional day.

i felt tired, unhappy, happy, and sad all at once. i felt emo again, which was soo lame! i didn't want to be like that! esp. for the party i put forth with susanna and christina for chrissa.

it was a great surprise for chrissa... and her face was priceless.. i was so happy that she felt complete after she knew that i loved her and would never forget her birthday lol! and of course.. that the surprise party was not CANCELLED AT ALL! LOL.. it was great. i kno i hurt her and made her cry.. ruining things and all.. buhh i hoped that today helped her know how much we all care. it was hard not telling her the truth right from the beginning.. but it was all worth it.

oh and another surprise.. mahh aunt's having two baby boys by christmas. i can't wait :]

entitled to happiness

Cleaning

today was a clean up day.

woke up in the morning.. head still hurts buhh oh well.
i slept well.

i thought things thru. and now i just don't CARE! =]

i'm happy for some reason.. and i'm glad i am.

i made up with some friends.. and i'm happy i did, cuz i feel a whole lot better. i love them :]

ohh and.. yehh went to costco.. ate soo MUCH FREE FOOD! :D i bought yummy sausage.. we bought hella stuff for cora's bday party tomorrow and it cost about 200 dollars.. crazy yo! parties are soo EXPENSIVE! buhh yehh.. got home a few hours ago and cleaned while watching reruns of laguna beach.. next is abdc haha.

good day good day.

God Bless.

Falling

I'm falling deep into my insanity
i can keep on walking with that smile on my face
but just so you know it is not me anymore
i'm tired
i'm tired of people who don't think before they do shit
they can contemplate all they want, but it doesn't even matter
they still did something wrong.

i try to be that friend
but i don't want to anymore
cuz i'm tired of sacrificing myself
i'm weary
and i'm upset

i want to cry
i want to scream
i want to give up

i'm ready to just give up.

fuck everyone .
i'm not in the mood to listen anymore
idgaf

i'm sorry to those that actually do care about me
i love you no matter what
and i won't forget all the sacrifices you have done for me
and all the memories we shared.
buhh sometimes, it's just not enough

i feel like i'm that little girl again
wearing black as others around me dress in white.
i'm alone.. again.

no one can understand me right now...

i really just can't wait to leave sacramento
i hate it here.

Regret

all the actions i do

i hope i won't regret in the future.

cuz right now idgaf no more.


i'll do what i'll do in order to make mahself satisfied. and i'll do it without hurting others, just hurting mahself in the
process

that's just life.

Intensity

pissed.angry.sad.

three types of intense humanly emotions i feel right now is surging through my body in mayhem right now. iono how to feel and iono how to talk. iono how to do anything, i just want to scream! i want to let out all my frustrations on the two people that caused mahh irritation.. buhh i can't, cuz i love them too much.

what do i do at a time like this? usually, the answer is to drink and to do stupid things.. buhh i can't let mahself .. cuz the people who care about me will worry and i don't want to make them worry about me. so i won't do anything.

i'm insanely frustrated right now because humans are so fucked up. human emotions.. human reactions...and human feelings for one another are a bunch of bullshit sometimes. cuz in the end.. we lose each other. we expect too much from another.. that trust.. and that honesty. when you put that trust in someone.. they end up betraying you. and when someone gets fucked over by a close friend.. they are upset.. buhh then they end up doing something shitty to they're own close friend.. because the human mind IS RIDICULOUS!

fuck everything.

i'm a true hermit sometimes

friends have been asking me why i stay home all the time.. and honestly. i don't kno. sometimes i have the urge to just go out and have fun, but really, i just wanna stay home and lay in bed. i've been getting no sleep because i run early every morning.. and still sleep late at night (or early in the morning i should say), it's really bad for mahh health.. so now i've decided to take vitamins everyday! i bought it at target and have been trying to stay consistent, even though i still forget to take it after meals.

tony's friends have been asking me to go party with them recently saying i haven't been going out and having illegal and dangerous fun for a while.. truth be told, it's better for me to stay away from that kind of shit. i hate sneaking around.. so i told them that i just can't party anymore. it's not worth the shit that can happen.. and surprisingly...they understand :] it's pretty crazy since they are pretty persistent when it comes to partying with certain people.. and i'm proud to say i'm important! WOOT :D haha.. jk

and anyways.. life's just been dandy.. nothing to do.. i'm ready to pack tho for mahh trip to SD, mahh new home. i'm excited, scared, and nervous... and hey..already homesick. hopefully i do well.. i plan to study and i plan NOT to freakin think about boys sometimes.. cuz that's bad!! haha, adam says i can't do it.. buhh watch! i will! lol. soo yehh... things have been layed back.. buhh parents/fambam still keep nagging me about me not thinking about the future seriously.. well fuck it, i'm trying. it's all about process when you first start college, it ain't mahh fault i can't handle mahself yet. it gets really irritating.. and i've become irritated easily the last few days. oh well, life's life.

let's just say...

it's been a FML kinda week.