boys can die.

today is a crappy day.

why?

because it just is.

i was having a conversation with tiffany about how boys are just a waste of our time. they come and go. sometimes they hurt you as they go. some boys are too chicken shit to make a relationship, makeup, or breakup. they're just weak. buhh at the same time, we girls are weak as well. we can't move on quick enough as we want to. our minds are strong, buhh our hearts keep holding on. i'm tired of being so weak.. i'm tired of being nice and patient. i want change in myself, but i can't get there. mabee it's just not the right time.. i don't know anymore.. and frankly i can't seem to care. as i kept talkin to tiffany about the rough shit i had to go thru the past 2 months.. i was kind of relieved.. that i could speak so openly.. that i was ready to move on. at that moment. i was ready to be strong.. and to just forgive and forget.

but God didn't want that...

he decided to test me.. because at that moment.. when i was about to move on with mah life foreal.. *he had to text me.. he had to bring me back to life. what a bitch. and now it's all coming down on mahh heart once again. that pain and heartache that i've been trying to forget. i dont' want to care about his text.. i want to ignore it.. buhh i can't. my heart can't.. and iono when it will. i wanted to call out to the guy i am seeing now.. i wanted to call him and wanted to make him help me forget.. buhh then i knew.. i would only be using him. and i couldn't do that. so i stood my ground and looked at myself in the mirror. what did i want? i finally decided that i didn't care. wuhhever happens happens. if we become friends again.. or enemies.. it didn't matter. i was moving to socal anyways. sacramento will soon be nothing to me. and i was glad for that. so let me do what i can to forget. buhh for now.. i just don't care. if he wants me to say "hi" .. i will. cuz i just don't care...he can laugh with his friends about how pathetic i am.. cuz really. he's nothing.

boys can just die..